Sunday, January 2, 2011

When Fish Attack...Moose?

Tommy and I just finished watching "When Moose Attack," and apparently they are nasty big animals who will just attack any person, dog or other animal by whom they feel threatened. Fine. I get it. I'm from Maine, and I'm familiar with moose.

The real surprise came during the show AFTER "When Moose Attack". It's a program called "When Fish Attack," and the first piece involved a teenage boy who was in Panama deep-sea fishing when he hooked a 600-pound black marlin, which, if you don't know, looks like a gigantic swordfish. This kid hooked the mega-fish and reeled it in waaaay too fast (it's supposed to take up to an hour to reel in one of this big fellas, and it took this boy only 25 minutes), and the fish got really mad. I mean FURIOUS. By the time it reached the side of the boat, it launched itself, sword-first, into the teenage boy's open mouth, and ripped his face open, the sword exiting the back of his neck and going through his cheek, sinus wall, and cutting his lip on the way out.

The kid lived, the fish lived, yadda yadda, but that's not important. What came of all this was a really great idea for a show on the Outdoor Channel that I'd kind of like to market if it didn't involve having anything to do with certain right-wing fanatics I hate. Basically, the show would feature Ted Nugent as the narrator and host. He would be on a large boat deep-sea fishing. Also on the boat would be a fully grown bull moose. Ted would fish until he hooked a black marlin -- which can grow to 15 feet and 1,000 pounds, by the way -- and gets it sufficiently pissed off enough to attack, just like the fish that attacked the kid in Panama. However -- and here's the delicious twist! -- Nuge would use his master archery abilities to AIM the sword of the fish so it pierced the bull moose right in the heart, thus killing both the fish and the moose at one time. It would be a new sport.

I'm thinking it should be called "Ted Nugent's Surf and Turf". Your thoughts?

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